tru ponders about: fandom

so... yeah... if you guys visit some of the places i visit, you might know why i'm a bit upset

before, i thought that people shut out the notion of yossui being gay altogether... and i tried to understand them a bit on that position... but now, it is strongly apparent to me that they are simply shutting ishiyoshi out...

call it paranoia or whatever... but yeah... that's just how i feel... could be fiction too, ne?

anyway...

a long time ago, i was talking to someone about US ishiyoshi fans... how when our 'infinite source' suddenly dies down, someone will step up... the same way how in a forum, when the main translator guy is away, someone would do the translation shizz...

and i said 'but it's different with us...'

because there's less of us... there's less chance that someone knows how to read/undestand japanese and less chance that someone knows where to dL all this shizz

and as what most of us have been observed to be, 'ishiyoshi fans are lurkers'

why tell everyone about it, when you can keep it all to yourself, ne?

so yeah

...

a friend and i have been thinking of building and ishiyoshi forum

but i do feel that we cannot pull it off

because to make a forum, you need something to talk about, and a bunch of somebodies to talk

at this moment, we have neither... so yeah...

...

to be honest, for the longest time, i have been envious of 'the other'

because they have so little, and yet, they can talk so much... and i ask... WHY!?

...

it's funny how i simply accepted when somebody called ishiyoshi 'semi-canonical'

when to me, ishiyoshi is THE canon

..

some people have noticed the 'decline ' in ishiyoshi fics

to be honest, there wasn't a decline this year... because there hasn't really been much fanfiction on ishiyoshi for a long time (at least on JPH!P)

that's why i feel the sudden need to stab people when someone says 'there's too much ishiyoshi fics' or something along that line

because there isn't enough

i heard the other day that people nowadays dislike ship fics

they just like plot driven fics or whatnot

it's good that not a lot of people remember me as a writer... at least they never mind that even while i'm around because i AM a ship writer

my fics is all about how awesome they are

i don't know why some people wouldn't like that

why do people read fics anyway? can't they find a good book to read with 'a lot more substance, proper grammar, solid character development, realistic settings, heavily researched backgrounds?'

or they can... watch a movie... it's quicker that way...

people read peoples' work then complain about a lot of shit...

uhm... you do know one pays us to do this... and no one makes people read our works...

i have an update for RFP ready now... but i don't know if i should even post it

i know how the story will go... i'm quite happy with it on my head...

i already have basked in some kind of glory... is it bad to be contented with just that?

it is rather mediocre... but it is safe

... ah, there's a word... SAFE

isn't it safer to just shut up and well... i dunno... stay off the internet or something...

but of course i can't do that... i'm all about noise... and being obnoxious...

it's not about being authentic though... usually rude and obnoxious people would say 'that's just how i am, i'm just being natural'

to me it is to be heard

most people don't listen to me... but they hear me anyway because i'm loud and obnoxious XD

kinda sad isn't it?

...

but i have some realization that silence would save a lot of us from heartache...

so maybe, i should just close shop, and not even bother looking up shizz...

cuz that way, people wouldn't look for more... more that i don't have... it might be somewhere else... i dunno either....

*sigh*

/wordsalad