Thanks for your responses, Jen and Yankii…

Well, the ‘liking them because I’m gay’ thing is so emo of me XD

… for me, I liked Yossui (alone) before getting into ishiyoshi… and the primary point of interest for me then was the romantic angle… of course, nowadays, you guys can hear me talking all over the place about:

‘ishiyoshi as love really just represents the positive energy the exude together. And that this energy is positive because it’s genuine. Whether they are lovers or friends or anything, it deosn’t matter. What matters is that they are not faking it for the cameras, they’re not faking their connection.’

For those of you who don’t know yet, I started working full-time this week.

And to me, that just meant one thing: less time to sit in front of my computer to look for news and pictures about and of them.

When I was new in the fandom, I would sleep at 4 am and would wake up at around 5 am… I would bring my laptop to school and I would just turn it on, keep on surfing and leave it in the library (tied to a table) whenever I had class…

I went all out in the big English forums, I went to this French forum, I found a Chinese blog, I really tried to find everything… but sure enough I can’t… I spent hours trying to catch up, not to fall behind…

In a scary way, my life revolved around them… as if something big will happen while I’m not looking and miss it forever and in a way, miss half of my life… XD

Yes, by now you should know that tru_harmony = tru_crazy

Now because of work, I sleep early, and turn of my computer before leaving the house…

But they are still constantly in my thoughts…

wordsalad

I ask my students if they know of things connected to ishiyoshi and try to find out how much they know… most of them generally don’t care about h!p anymore even if they used to be fans too… I was surprised that one student (who was into h!p only around the peace-mr.moonlight “era”) didn’t know of the term “ishiyoshi”… but she said they are a great combi…. She was amazed that I knew of them… I even wrote the Japanese characters for ishiyoshi… those are the only ones I know… XD… I’d have it tattooed on my forehead if I get anymore crazier than this…

/wordsalad

I think, at this point, my question now really is, do I still love them as much as before?

Before = the time when I was more-or-less constantly updated about them

Can I love something I do not ‘know’ (like my knowledge of isn’t updated)

But then what is there to know, really?

We can’t know everything… distance, status, human limitation will keep us from that

Following this, am I really still hopeful?

… So yeah, all this time, my doubt doesn’t lie in them… I KNOW, like some ancient truth buried in my unconscious, that IshiYoshi is real, IshiYoshi is love… probably in ways that the premises are defined on a VERY personal basis…what I’m doubting is myself… my patience to keep on waiting and hoping… my humility to accept that I can’t know anything… my ability to get closer to that truth…

This is so crazy XD

I’m really sorry guys…

So yeah, I guess, the next question to ask myself is ‘what do I like about them?’

liking something is one thing… but obsessing ever that one thing is another… what is it about them that made me this crazy about them? … hmmm