insanity moment...

i remember writing here before that 'they' have reached a particular level of existence for me... in a way, saying that they have become abstractions to me, concepts, representations of a greater truth, etc...

i was thinking about that... and this idea of hope...

hope isn't 'hoping for'... it's just hoping...

it's not keeping in a box the possibilities in the future, it's keeping yourself open to all possibilities...

it's trusting... it's hoping in a person... putting yourself in that person's hands...

like how i hope in my rabu-rabu... i entrust to her my entire being and everything about me... and i think (i hope) she does so to me...

but that's exactly where hope is really needed: we are only human... we're weak, we fail...

i know that somewhere there, some point in time, she would fail me and i would fail her... not just once or twice... i might have failed her many times before... but in choosing to remain in this relationship, we hope...

"We hope in YOU for our sake"

YOU = God

hmmm... in this context, i'd have to say that IshiYoshi is God...

God= greater truth/order= that which will not fail... ever

i believe that ishiyoshi is real not only for the sake of the awesomeness the mere thought of them being together brings but also because in believing that they will not fail, there is, somehow, a basis for our hope ... and even if we fail, there is a greater order where things have infinite possibilities...

... and i'm still crazy...