tru_wants_to_know_more

hmmm...

aight... i have some free time so i'll ponder out loud about ishiyoshiing again...

damn... i haven't been checking the hatena blogs... how stupid is that?

...

ooh, last friday, i once again told a student of mine about my h!p fangirling and for the nth time, i received 'EHHHHHHHHHHHH~?!' as a response...

she asked me how i found out about h!p and i was like, 'through the internet...'

then she asks something like 'how did you find out that there was such a group?'

and i went like 'it's a very long story' and i didn't tell her the whole shizz because we only had 10 minutes to chat...

...

yeah... i think it's not the first time that the importance of the internet to fandom, especially the kind of fandom that we have, has been emphasized.

we depend on the internet so much... blogs and forums and pic loaders and whatnot

following this, we depend so much on other fans...

which reminds me of a post of mine here... or a couple posts... i don't remember...

where i called a wota a damn wota... because the wotageing kinda messed up the fanrec

after some thought, i know i definitely have to take that remark back... because i owe these people...

when i do get the chance to visit the hatena blogs, sometimes, i get pissed that the latest posts aren't ishiyoshi at all... but it's not like it's their responsibility to just update the internet's supply of ishiyoshi infos and insight

so yeah... the shizz here is that i shouldn't get pissed at all... because the blogs aren't for us other fans...

like... in the end, i'm just another parasite...

my insights don't matter, my observations may be way too late...

even if i see anything, there ain't no one out there who's gonna listen... everyone's being careful, i guess... or just apathetic...

...

once i was talking to this friend of mine and i was like 'I think i'm way too serious about this ishiyoshi thing...'

and he goes like 'we need more hardcore peeps like you... and besides, you're still young so that's okay"

but it does kinda get to my 'elder' sensibilities...

i'm not the type to drive points anymore... i'm really tired of that shizz... i'm more like 'i believe/noticed/observed/think/etc this' and the sentence ends there XD

like i say 'IshiYoshi is love' all the time, but i don't really care if people believe that...

... lol i'm so confused now... i wish people would believe it because 10 years isn't nothing...

note: this rant has absolutely no point at all...

hmmm... it must be different for all of us... i don't think there's any other fan out there as talkative as i am... so i don't think you folks don't get the 'voice in the desert frustration'

...

personal level? ishiyoshi?

i think i mentioned that like two posts ago... and that's soemthing i really don't get...

like personally... i've felt that need to talk to folks about ishiyoshi...

i've maintained the chatrooms for months even if no one ever goes there anymore... except for this one time when some person came in just to tell me 'fuck you'

but i can't really blame anyone for that... unless you're informative, no one would want to talk to you...

people just like to take and take...

i hoped some insanity would change all that... but no...

no wonder some person told me 'fuck you'...

going back to what iwas talking about... my thought was like 'if it's so personal why do i have to talk to others about it?'

a tiny voice in my mind says that my desire to talk to other fans come from my need for affirmation that i am on the right track.. so that this other fan could tell me things i've never thought before and further prove my belief that IshiYoshi is real...

if it really is so personal, the only people i should be able to talk to about it would be my girlfirned and some really close friends... ... but that's not really the case isn't it?

i met some of my closest friends because of ishiyoshi... i've set priorities and alliances with ishiyoshi in mind... that's insane, i know... but yeah... that's how personal ishiyoshi is to me... and yet, i don't know anything about them...

is it really personal, then?

are they a projection of how i want my relationship with my girlfriend be?

i can't imagine if i will be devastated on the day that ishiyoshi be proven to be unreal... but that doesn't really say anything about me and my girl...

is that personal, then?

how can ishiyoshi be a personal matter?